This journey often times starts with some sort of trauma (even traumas revisited from the past). A trauma that presents a conflict with our current reality to the possibility of something else, even something greater.  This trauma also sets a threshold for our ability to even set out on our journey, as to start one must leave the comfort of the present reality and its narrative. For Truman it was the sight of someone who was dead and for Mowgli, it was the threat of Shere Khan. And I think as for expanding consciousness it may not be the utopia many imagine - but more of a shadowy door. While the warmth and comfort are at our backs, the unknown is a glaring scary dark place.  It is a moment filled with hints that our reality is not what we think it is, and to rewrite this narrative comes at a high cost.

It in itself costs suffering. this can be seen in the stories of both Mowgli and Truman. Laboring under an oppressive system that is revealing itself to not only just the prior but also ridiculous. All of us trying to wake ourselves up while stumbling under the pain of doing so. 

It is our belief and faith and hope that gives this present reality and following conscious narrative power. And if one is absolutely determined to discover and write our own reality, there would be nothing to prevent us from doing so, but again, this comes at the cost of pain. We hold ourselves in place and also hold ourselves confined within the system that limits us we convince ourselves that it's normal to have faith in this reality. Truman and Mowgli show us the pains of "waking up", and the high costs the journey demands. We can only be hopeful that beyond that dark doorway is a greater expansive authenticity.

There is never enough I can say about black men - for better or for worse. Today however, I just want to express my gratitude for the men that have been (even for a moment in time) part of my world. With the internet blasting a blaring horns from whoever will listen to them, people from every part of globe are painting a picture that black men aren't worthy of love and admiration.


I'm not here to get brownie points from my brothers; I do however want to acknowledge the men that have been with me, next to me, cheering for me, and providing me with the lessons I needed to be who I am today.

The Image Of My Father

My First Love

The Father/s Of My Children

The Men Of My Present

A few years back I wrote a post reconciling the challenges of dating while black and conscious. That particular post meant a lot to me personally, as I wrote it I realized that love and consciousness,  essentially have no bias. They do not worry whether or not one is one thing versus another. They present themselves to us and we then have the responsibility to accept these things in our lives or not. What I have also learned the last few years is who I am, what I desire as my life result, and mostly what it will take to accomplish these things. The challenge now is meeting someone who is suitable for that lifestyle.

He doesn't have to be conscious.

It wasn't just my writings that brought me to this outcome, but also my personal experience. Often times (especially as a woman), we allow our better nature's controls the way we view our potential mates. More often this leads to unreasonable expectations of our partners which ultimately leads to our own disappointment. In regards to "conscious men", I believe we allow exterior factors to define the quality of the man long before he presents us with his reality of who he is and what capacity he has.

I've dated "black conscious men" who couldn't commit to the realities of living a lifestyle that requires a certain sacrifice personally and professionally. Men who are only within the "conscious community" to find women. Men who have emotional trauma which impedes their ability to be a quality mate - and the list goes on from there.  I am not saying I've have been at my best at all times, but what I am saying is that the men I have met have been very limited and not what I choose for me and where I am going in my life.

Emerging from this growth, what I have realized is that a man for me ideally doesn't have to be "conscious", what he should be, however, is someone secure in his self-identity, willing and able to understand and well as be understood. A person willing to break-away from the traditional African American lifestyle - wanting to plot a chart of his own. Open to building something that will last beyond his lifetime, and to share in the complexity of who he his.

This type of man is not exclusive to black consciousness - although he may be more difficult to find in today's times. He is not found in one given community. Contrary to popular belief, consciousness is not exclusive to one type of people, gender, age group, social status or the like. Consciousness is something each one of us has, it takes its own shape within us. The boundaries of man's mind is not just what he is taught, but also the sum of his experiences.

I say this to say that, just because a man is not in the conscious community doesn't mean that he isn't conscious. We all have our own walks and journey we must go through in order to become our best selves. We must not discount the men and women who would not openly say nor understand what we/some/you would say is consciousness. And because of this, a man I choose to spend any portion of my life with doesn't have to meet the conscious criteria in order to be with me. What he must be, is a man of his own mind -in all respects.

He just has to be for me.

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

Today like most days, I get approached by men interested in taking me out or "getting to know me". If I can be honest for a second, although I'm shy in certain respects, I much rather approach a man I am interested in on my own. It not about a power struggle or defining rules of engagement when it comes to the opposite gender. It really is because I want to know if you get me? AND if you're cool enough to hang with a wild sister like me.

In the arena of woman talk, I come across loads of women who have personal challenges in dating when they are in the TWA or MA (teeny weeny afro or medium afro) stages. At times we don't feel desirable solely based on the fact that the number of inquiring men shortens - in some cases becomes non-existent. I personally have wondered what men find attractive at one time or another? I think that there are times when trends in media influence what men perceive as appealing or not.

During the pregnancy of my youngest child, I decided to cut my hair. My hair at the time was processed - breast length, and I didn't want my coming daughter to be confused about how she saw herself nor what she should aspire to emulate. So with my natural journey underway, a new me was about to be revealed to the world!

After picking up the pieces of a failed marriage and willing to get back in the game, what I come to learn is that although natural hair - the hair that comes directly from our scalp, isn't as appealing to men (not all). The number of men that approached me, the type of men that approached me, in fact, were different than before. I had to assess the situation and understand how I felt about it, and what this meant for me.

I realized that a bit of me was shallow, I was spoiled with men flocking.

What I also realized is that presentation is everything, men are very visual creatures. They see something they like - and make a beeline for it. I've even known some male friends of mine that personal preferences are so particular, I couldn't tell the new one from the old one because they looked so much alike.

Now I will give a bit of a disclaimer and say that physique does make the difference. Being a curvy woman, I attracted men who I think just wanted to acknowledge me oppose to anything else.

But the real deal for me was that with my natural hair, I wasn't as attractive as I was before. That was a truth that was hard for me to really grasp. It didn't have anything to do with men, but how now I was no longer equating my beauty to the frequency of men that made attempts with me. Although, I was under the impression that I saw myself as beautiful, it had changed after I went natural.

After some time becoming comfortable with me and my ultra thick hair. I began to have a different appreciation for men. The men that did ask me out, often times were full of character and depth. They were interested in who I was on an individual level. They were less superficial. Less stigmatized by revolving trends, spunky and full humor. My natural hair was more like the icing on the cake. It was a completion of something already beautiful to them.

Now I'm not saying that most men don't appreciate a woman with natural hair - or in fact hair at all nowadays. I will say that there is something going on that deters black men from black women with natural hair - especially tightly coiled hair.

But I will say in all fairness that we all are allowed to date who we choose to, and if that choice excludes hair type then so be it.

However, that being said - I now have deep respect for brothers who love a sister rocking her Fro proudly. You helped me see the beauty within!!! I love you for that.

Photo by Brianna Mills on Unsplash

Consciousness is a thing that is acquired with time, and within the individual. Many have challenged me on my thoughts about why I am so interested in the behaviors of others. But I think aiming to understand another's point of view creates lines of open dialog and respect where there wouldn't be otherwise.

Consciousness is also a thing that can't be quantified, categorized, bottled, awarded, inherited, or by any means of externally obtained.

This week I saw a series of people making implications or outright accusing others in their sincerity to consciousness, their validity by means of action outwardly.

In my humble understanding of consciousness (a purely singular conclusion), one does not know the heart of another man. One does not know what another has done, will do, or anticipates doing in terms of their personal loyalties and allegiances. To make these implications is merely a disguise for judging a person. Not based on that person's heart or mind, but based on speculation one has of the exterior of the other.

If inward ascension is truly what we are after, the mind has no room for factless and superficial judgments of others.

Our understanding of those around us changes as we spend time with them, share ideas and engage in life. Each of us has a depth that we carry, we at times share that depth with others based on our measurement of trust held. This depth is where the actual tenacity or lack thereof lies. Not the exterior, or based on hearsay or the like.

When we seek to understand someone rather than accept or reject them, we start to move closer to finding value in each individual as we cross paths with them. The value in their lives and experiences. The value in their ability to understand you as well.

Again, consciousness is not an award one gets for being "Black Pride" enough or passed on by who they studied under.

It is a very long and arduous process that explores the core of one's being, challenges their current paradigm and reveals personal truths and deceptions carried within.

Let's not be so judgemental and learn to have patience or a kind distance with each other.

Photo by Diana Simumpande on Unsplash

I look at you and see so much more than just a man. I see a light pulsing in the distance, a beacon. And as I watch, I wonder about the force it took to forge you. I wonder about how many elements it took, the time, the pressure, the cause and its reaction. That mosaic soul made of copper - molded and sculpted into the form which you are the result

How long did it take to refine you into this being? As I said before,

“ When I think of you, I think of most royal shades of purple and blue.”

What wax did they use to polish your skin? What thread did they use to stitch you hair? What star did they pluck from the black abyss to create your mind?

And when all your broken pieces fall, and when you are wandering, and then, when you are wading - I still see your aura. The warmth of your glow has me magnitised. I SEE you, and feel your presence no matter how far. I’d bend space and time to have our fingers touch, to ascend beside you. To trace the sky with a simple imprint of you and I.

That man over there - made of copper, he knows not the magnitude of his spirit. And all I want is to see him shine, to feel the echo of his heart, to map his body with my fingertips and dive deep into soul. Ascend and evolve as moments tick by, making every second better than the one just before. I’d lose count of how many ways I try to make you smile. I’d lose perception of how many times we’d redefine life and LIVE in it.

In my thoughts you remind me of words like: be, am, are, our, will, can, do.

That man over there - made of copper, he knows not his magnitude, and all I can do is be reminded that you are 1 in 400 trillion. You are so rare, so selectively unique - I am taken back by how your aura (from it’s distance) has affected me.

That MAN - made of copper, African man - you are infinitely exquisite.

photo by @NeONBRAND

So in keeping with a post I made previously. I would like to sit you down if I could? As a woman and as an earth sign (Taurus/Beaver/9 & 7), I struggle with the ordeal of my lower self. And if you're a woman like I who revels in her sexuality, it becomes hard to express with integrity or to express without compromise.

Further, sexual expression with integrity is a skill that is acquired rather than the believed innate. Your teachings as a child are a testament to that. I've always asked myself if there was a place for a woman like myself within the ranks of the "Conscious Community". I found myself to be an outlier, not much a part of its function and more so it's ideal. What occurred to me recently is that I don't have to carry the burden, or the desire to fit into place like a puzzle. But I just rather 'love and let be', it has been the greatest experience I have ever journeyed thus far in my life. I am no longer wondering as to my place, I am certain that we all have our own place in this world. It is us as individuals that have to make the effort to find out where that is! In my post "A Sufferable Contempt in Love", what was most pivotal was that we have yet to discover and uncover our deepest desires. What was astounding was my belief that I have felt sex in its most intense forms. Yet our subconscious has a way of telling on us. You have to listen closely or you may miss the message.

That dream was by all accounts very real for me. I could smell him, taste him, hear him, feel him, and most importantly - I could see him. There was no mistaking what my mind carved out as the ultimate man for me. This man was evoking something that was tucked neatly away somewhere I hadn't even know existed. He was, "looking for A me I had yet to give". Most of us women are under the impression that just doing 'this', or being down for 'that' equates to experiencing the deepest sex you could ever know. And most of us are greatly mistaken.

Earlier this evening I was watching a live stream on Facebook called "Datequette", the topic was about courting and what the best practices were from the panels standpoint. Somewhere in me ranting as I always do, I happened to say... "emotional and sexual trust are two completely different things"
The response was a bit mild for the most part, but the one male of the panel knew exactly what I was getting at. I want to take a moment and elaborate... We as women are like a one-way mirror, and what one-way by that is, we mirror our emotional trust sexually - and we also mirror our distrust sexually. For example we may be with someone who we truly enjoy in all aspects, with this man we are more open and receptive to sex. We experience intimacy in an emotional and physical way. With another man whom we care for, yet we have distrusts due to prior relationships or other related causes. With this man we mirror our distrust sexually, and we both know what types of sexual hangups this can cause.

Us women need to dig deep to find these issues and begin with our personal healing process. But most importantly, it takes a man to reconnect these severed circuits. Then and ONLY then will we experience that deepest sex. There can be no inhibitions, or we will continue on a path of never unveiling our sexual known unknowns. Men are the LAST STEP, peeling back the veil to our cloudy mirror - so we can see on another clearly, unfiltered - straight with no chaser.

"Energy is a force that can be felt yet never seen."  -Angelica Diallo 

So What Do We Do With Our Desire?

To be frank... I have a serious sexual explicitness, which is mostly tame. There has been only one person I've ever shared that side of me with. And to circle back to the "Consciously Black Community", I don't think they wholly are prepared for women such as me, nor accepting... But these things are as they are, and one most not confuse the commune with the solidarity of merely one alone.

Your sexuality is strictly between YOU and your PARTNER! Full stop there... What sits between your legs is the GREATEST OFFERING (aside from birth) you could ever give. You solely choose the terms on which you give it, and exactly what you expect to receive in return. If you ever aim to satisfy yourself completely, you choose the terms completely.
If you expect for him to make you orgasm, this is a requirement which makes him dive deep into exploring your entirety as well as he learning to master his own nature.
In this particular case, 'your output will be your input'.😉

"Doing It" with Integrity

If you listen to men, they'll tell you that women should always give their best in the bedroom at ALL times. Let me tell you they lie! Men are in a constant search to experience the best sexual stimulation from whatever woman they can find. Imagine if you could convince every partner you ever had to put on the works for you everytime.... Wouldn't you always expect it - and that method actually worked? Of course you would. When its done, there is nothing more left to desire from that partner. Not sexually anyway.
As woman not everyone deserves for you to put your cape on and crash helmet. "They just ain special enuff for that honey!" Even better your LOVE GEM should never be given to just ole anyone period. That being said, when you find that right man let him know that sexually your require X-Y and Z. You place the owness on him to make sure he's meeting your needs. But don't mistake that that's all you have to do! On your end, it's your duty to be sexually capable of the same output to your input. These things also require a certain amount of fortitude, and exploration of your intended.

1. Words of Affirmations

2. Acts of Service

3. Gifts

4. Quality Time

5. Physical Touch

“the woman I’m with, she doesn’t have to be ‘conscious’, she just has to be for me… Someone I’m attracted to and really wants to be with me, and me with her!”

Your a creature of Habits, but you can change it if you really desire to.

I myself had a slew of bad habits, or things I thought were bad habits. I bite my cuticles during moments in thinking while typing, I left all my bras in the doorknob of my bathroom, and the worst was procrastinating on doctors appointments (super expensive).

I made up my mind back in January that I was going to stop doing these things, and also pick up some few habits that would make my life a little easier. So I went on a search for a method that would help me in this journey. I had read about quite a few that seemed a bit ridiculous; requiring tons of writing notes to keep on hand, or restricting me from doing things that would trigger the habits.

Thankfully I did find a article about the Habit Loop, and  how to use it to correct bad habits or replace them with new ones. One thing I will mention is that you have really REALLY  want to do it. It’s not one of those things that has a guide or reminders or anything that would assist you. With that in mind, you have to make sure that this is what you want to do.


So the “habit loop” is a three-part process. The first step is the trigger that tells your brain to let a certain behavior unfold. The second step is the behavior itself, or the routine it creates without thinking about our habit.

The third step is the reward, or “something that your brain likes that helps it remember the ‘habit loop’ in the future.”

Once we’ve formed habits, they are hard to break because, many times, we forget we’re doing them. Because of the habit loop, we are able to do other things without thinking about our habit.

download a free copy of my “Habits Worksheet”

We will be working on something else while simultaneously biting our nails, not realizing the moment we put them in our mouths.We become slaves to our habits. They become inhibitors and some have the power to control our lives.

Though some substances we use have addictive qualities that make the habits almost impossible to break, there are ways to replace those bad habits with good ones… and all it takes is 66 days.
If you take the habit out of your life, the same way you put one into your life, you will find yourself free of the unconscious and, many times, detrimental patterns that habits cause. You could replace those old bad ones with new good ones.

Instead of watching Netflix before bed, you make yourself read a book. Maybe instead of soda with dinner, you make yourself drink water for 66 days.Whatever your motives, this research should be the catalyst you need to kick those bad habits and start picking up some good ones.
Because there is no better time to turn over a new leaf (or habit) than in the fall.

Be Obnoxious (Days 1- 22)

Shout about it. Tell your friends, family and coworkers you are on a mission. Enlist them as officers to patrol when you’re slipping back into your old ways or not keeping up on your new ones. Tell them you want them to yell at you, bother you and constantly remind you.
Add extra pressure on yourself. The pressure of disappointing other people and going back on your word will make it that much harder to go back to your old ways.
Because sometimes it’s easier to disappoint ourselves than it is other people.

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Self-Analyze (Days 22- 44)

Take a good look at your life. This is the time to really dig deep and do some soul-searching. What do you want in life? Why are you doing this? How do you want to represent yourself?
Whether you’re quitting a bad habit or picking up a healthier one, get to the core of why you’re doing this and how it’s going to affect your life.
If you can find that reason buried deep in your unconscious, you will be able to carry out these 66 days much easier. You will have an internal force pushing you.

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Find The Light (Days 44- 66)

The third stage is the final push. As far as you’ve come, you still have to make it these last 22 days. It’s easy to burn out, get tired and forget why you are doing this. It’s easy to revert to your old ways because, up to this point, you have yet to rid yourself of the habit.
At this stage, you must find something to hold on to. Something that will that push you to that final goal. It’s the last 22 days that prove how strong and willing you really are.
At this point, it’s about seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s about realizing that though you can’t see the other end, you can still see glimpses of it.

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Treat Yo’ Self (66 +)

The only way to solidify the end of an old habit or the birth of a new one is to celebrate it. Throw a party, have some champagne, shout it from your Brooklyn rooftop. Make a day of it or call up your friends and have a swanky dinner party.
If it’s a habit people have been hoping you would break they will be more than willing to celebrate with you. Who knows, you can make this a yearly tradition!

If you need help getting started on understanding your habits, you can download a copy of my Free Worksheet to get yourself ready to go!

What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.       -Jane Goodall

For me, my first calling was music. I spent hours upon months, upon years perfecting how to produce my own music. But as time and experience taught me, you eventually evolved into other more passions. I swtiched between nursing, acting, hair, cosmetic chemistry and event planning among many others. Many of these passions have rather, transformed into a wonderful hobby that I still practice this very day.

During these career transitions, I realized that I was enthusiastic about writing and assisting those that wanted the information I had to share. But what was more important is that I begun to identify skills that I had acquired THROUGH these passions, speaking writing, and being a imaginative thinker.
In 2009, I created a S-corp which served as a umbrella for future projects and a platform to offer a variety of products and services. Through my company, I can combine my lifelong passions and make them a profession. Considering myself a multi-passionate entrepreneur. I look at both the professional and personal gains to be had in new ventures.

I am now able to play strategist, while still loving my work!



I am presently Diving Deep, free falling in my leap of faith. Creating something that melds together my various, but related “skills” at the same time. The results thus far have been mutually rewarding; financially and passionately.