Today like most days, I get approached by men interested in taking me out or "getting to know me". If I can be honest for a second, although I'm shy in certain respects, I much rather approach a man I am interested in on my own. It not about a power struggle or defining rules of engagement when it comes to the opposite gender. It really is because I want to know if you get me? AND if you're cool enough to hang with a wild sister like me.

In the arena of woman talk, I come across loads of women who have personal challenges in dating when they are in the TWA or MA (teeny weeny afro or medium afro) stages. At times we don't feel desirable solely based on the fact that the number of inquiring men shortens - in some cases becomes non-existent. I personally have wondered what men find attractive at one time or another? I think that there are times when trends in media influence what men perceive as appealing or not.

During the pregnancy of my youngest child, I decided to cut my hair. My hair at the time was processed - breast length, and I didn't want my coming daughter to be confused about how she saw herself nor what she should aspire to emulate. So with my natural journey underway, a new me was about to be revealed to the world!

After picking up the pieces of a failed marriage and willing to get back in the game, what I come to learn is that although natural hair - the hair that comes directly from our scalp, isn't as appealing to men (not all). The number of men that approached me, the type of men that approached me, in fact, were different than before. I had to assess the situation and understand how I felt about it, and what this meant for me.

I realized that a bit of me was shallow, I was spoiled with men flocking.

What I also realized is that presentation is everything, men are very visual creatures. They see something they like - and make a beeline for it. I've even known some male friends of mine that personal preferences are so particular, I couldn't tell the new one from the old one because they looked so much alike.

Now I will give a bit of a disclaimer and say that physique does make the difference. Being a curvy woman, I attracted men who I think just wanted to acknowledge me oppose to anything else.

But the real deal for me was that with my natural hair, I wasn't as attractive as I was before. That was a truth that was hard for me to really grasp. It didn't have anything to do with men, but how now I was no longer equating my beauty to the frequency of men that made attempts with me. Although, I was under the impression that I saw myself as beautiful, it had changed after I went natural.

After some time becoming comfortable with me and my ultra thick hair. I began to have a different appreciation for men. The men that did ask me out, often times were full of character and depth. They were interested in who I was on an individual level. They were less superficial. Less stigmatized by revolving trends, spunky and full humor. My natural hair was more like the icing on the cake. It was a completion of something already beautiful to them.

Now I'm not saying that most men don't appreciate a woman with natural hair - or in fact hair at all nowadays. I will say that there is something going on that deters black men from black women with natural hair - especially tightly coiled hair.

But I will say in all fairness that we all are allowed to date who we choose to, and if that choice excludes hair type then so be it.

However, that being said - I now have deep respect for brothers who love a sister rocking her Fro proudly. You helped me see the beauty within!!! I love you for that.

Photo by Brianna Mills on Unsplash