*Disclaimer: parts of this have been copied out of my rough draft, so please excuse to break in format type*
I have this secret.... Well, perhaps not a true secret, but a tid-bit of information I've been holding onto for some years. I think I've been astral projecting since childhood. It's not that I haven't wanted to say these thing aloud, I am more or less afraid of what it means for me. Astral projection has always been one of those things that make you sound crazy, or maybe a little less crazy! LOL But to be serious astral projection for me fundamentally means everything I know now, the reality I live is a very beautiful lie.
I want to share pieces from my experiences for really two reasons, to lessen the weight of my heart, and to also see if anyone has had any relative experience. So let's begin...
My first experience was when I was 10 or 11. Initially it started with what I thought was a dream of me feeling the sensation of levitating then suddenly falling in darkness. Night after night I would wake in a near heart attack just moments before I hit the bottom - and then, it stopped. As I grew older I never really had dreams unless they were these very strange ones or just flat out nightmares, but still dreams were a rarity if they ever happened at all.
Close to two years ago, again I was falling in darkness - in that moment I had instantly realized I was having the same exact experience from before. This time I was finally aware of something different - although I cannot tell you what that difference is. Suddenly I had stopped falling then a flash of pain then numbness can over me. My arms and legs lay swaying below me as my vision clears and I see a cone glistening with my insides flayed around it as if decoration. I come to the understanding that I've fallen onto a sharp cone stone, my body unable to move I stay there as a sense on calmness and coldness takes over as I close my eyes and submit to what I understand as death.
I thought of how darkness had its own life, how calming darkness was, it was a release in its own right. Seconds perhaps had went by, and I was suddenly looking down at myself. My body lifeless and glistening from the blood that had leaked from my wounds. I am still not sure if I was being carried or was floating, but whatever the case was I slowly made my way down to the floor. Itt was polished and shimmered like glass. Once there I immediately felt the wieght of the air. It had its own life - or breath. It was soo heavy it dropped me to my knees, unable to stand I tried to reason what was going on with my preteen mind. Fear began to creep up my throat as tears pooled in my eyes, I tried to yell yet no sounds came out. My mind raced in panic as I realized although I was screaming and calling for help, no sound was being made. I even tried putting my hand over my mouth as I screamed once just to see if I could feel breath (which I did), still no sound hit my ears. My heart thumped around in my chest as I noticed I could hear nothing. No wind, no creeks or whispers of anything. It was a intentional silence . . .
In the distance sounds began to fade in, as if I was now been given permission to hear. Sounds of metal clashing against other metals, the clangs of hard surfaces scraping the floor. Still on my hands and knees I cried out. “Hello?” in a meek tone. As the sounds grew louder I could hear the screams of men being inflicted with tremendous pain. The squelch of spear penetrating soft tissue. Bodies thudding to the floor. There was a war going on around me, on all sides. The sounds reached an almost deafening pitch as I made my way across the floor. Away from me another noise came clear, a low growl, stressful and deep. As I listened I understood that this growl was coming from a creature circling me, stalking me, I knew it was after me waiting for the moment to attack. I scrambled my mind trying to steady my thoughts. My body froze in fear, unable to move, my muscles nearly on the verge of explosion. I thought to myself, “I have to find a way out of here… I have to live!” I took one deep inhale and as I exhaled a bile tasting vomit surged out my mouth. Almost as if I was expelling something needed my body wasn’t riddled with fear, it was now anticipation. I felt lighter and could freely stand. I ran as fast as my feet would carry straight ahead, not know if ahead was in front or behind me due to the complete darkness. The war raged around me as I bumped into to men fighting and dying. Tripping over large bodies and slipping on blood spattered floors. Yes, I was afraid but I was more focused on moving faster than snappign a snarling behind me. I could hear its claws scrap the ground like a dog slipping over tile. No matter how fast I ran though, this thing was only footsteps behind me. My heart sank as I understood that this creature was going to kill me, my feet still flying like toddler running from a bug, I shut my eyes and exhaled one more time.
A arm pulls me close as the scratching of claws against steel and angered screeching happenes on the other side of a sheild. “Behind I NOW!” the voices sternly said. I ducked behind this savior of mines, with relief and terror I crouched down and cried as I heard the fight between the he and the creature. The exhalation of swings thrown and landed, screaming by the creature, thuds of their bodies hitting the other with forces and then finally one lasting earsplitting screech from that creature. Followed by heavy then shallow breathing. The voices asked, “Are we okay?” with labored breath. Another light flickered above us which bleeded through my lids. I turn around to see a man, his eyes were black pearls, skin a moss green-gold with a winding tattoo which looked to be one long script. Blood spotted and spattered his clothes. His wings were as if they were made of light, individual leaves of light. His left wing damaged or bitten, lines of black blood eeking out shimmered like water under moonlight. His eyes glared down at me as if to understand why I had taken so long. His chest rising and falling I wondered how long he had been in this dark place, fighting. “Come with I, we have been waiting.” his voices said as he kneeled down. My head tilted to one side confused how he spoke with more than one voice and the strangeness of the way he spoke. He gestured for me to come closer. He stood about 10 to 12 feet tall, very much african yet also very much exotic. With one arm he picked me up and placed me on his back, strapping his shield on his forearm. Like lightning he took off, feet sinking into the floor like it could barely hold his weight. The wind from his speed took my breathe away as buried my head in the back of his shoulder. I peaked up to see a faint light ahead of us.
The pandemonium continued around us as we blazed through the dark. The light which was as small as a pin was now revealing itself to be a tunnel to the outside. As we got closer, a pack of the same creatures like the one before attacked us, this time I could see these creatures were a de-evolved human. Skin weathered and grey with quill like hair - eyes sunken so deep into the sockets they can’t be seen. Teeth gleaming across their faces like the cheshire cat. With one strong motion he took his shield and swiped away at the creatures from the dark. He glanced back briefly and said with his voices “We are almost out the mountain, hold on to I tight.” with a tone of certainty. My hand gripped tighter to the back of his shoulders as the wind gusted past my face. The opening of the mountain was within view and I could see another person similar to my savior fighting at the entrance of the tunnel.She was also tall, clad with gold armor. She had a painting on her stomach below her naval, and as we past her she and my savior quickly nodded at each other as her eyes were locked onto me. The tunnel was covered in some foreign inscription, although I couldn’t read it but the images seemed to tell a story about emptiness and creation, then, destruction and creation again.
Passing out of the tunnel my eyes were blinded by the light, I closed and rubbed them and gave a few blinks so they could adjust. “We and I are safe now” his voices flooded with adrenaline. He kneeled down to one knee and took his arm and cradled my body to the gravel. My body was so weak that I barely could stand, with one exhale tears began to run down my face. My mind flashed as the previous moments darted through re-traumatizing me with my near death experience. He sighed as he put his hand on my right shoulder. I didn’t much pay atttention to hold larger he was until this moment. His thunb strenched the length of my own hand. “The Ret-wah should never be afraid, fear will break the spine of the great lion and even he will be prideless.” he said as he gathered himself lowering his head to take breath. Now I saw the size of his hand on my shoulder. My heart still dancing around in my chest, I look behind us at the mountain. “We see dah mountain of sorrows for dah first time.” “Mountain of sorrows. . . What is this place?” I ask still trembling. “Dah mountain of sorrows is the darkness created from we” he said. “We? I don’t understand what you mean by we, you and I?” I questioned. “I am I, and I am also we.” as he softly firmed his grip on my shoulder. “I is of we, and we is the reflection of I from many mirrors away” he continued. “So like. . . we are related?” blurred by his response. My savior stood to his feet and spread his arms out then down and said. “I am I”. He pointed to pad of his index finger and continued. “We is of I”. the placed his palm to my forehead and said. “I am also we, and the Ret-wah is same as I. Is are we.” He glared back up at the mountain of sorrow with the expression of contempt and understanding. My brain pushed itself to make sense his words. I then thought the fields my sisters and I would play in under the moon, and how I understood that every seed is not only the child but also the twin. I looked up at him and said. “We are three and one” doubtfully uttered. he smiled with pleasure and patted my head. Who are you?” I asked. “I am Kek and I help you remember your name” he said sternly. “I know my name, my name is Angelica” I responded “Nah Ehh!” His arm shooting over his head in frustration. “I teach the Ret-wah to remember, we know nothing, not even the name - girl” His eyes dart down then to the opposite side with a cringe on his face. I knew at this time I didn’t know where I was other than facing the mountain of sorrow and that - Kek had saved me from the monsters inside.
